The First Day

May 31st, 2009

09:11 pm
I made pork tenderloin, squash cassorole, macaroni and cheese (homemade) apple pie (homemade, but I made that last night. I had help. My cousin Pam stirred the white sauce for the macaroni and my husband and Pam peeled and sliced all the apples for me last night. But, this
was a milestone. My first meal cooked in about 12 weeks. I managed to choke down some of each cassorole and one bite of pork. Forget the pie, it won't taste right. My taste buds are still all messed up. Here is my wonderful cousin Pam. She is the sister I don't have. We grew up
together just miles apart in Miami, Fl. and we slept over each others house almost every other weekend. She is one year older. People think we look alike. I think we do too. She gave me
all her old size 6/8 clothes and they are baggie on me. Just think, I must wear a size 5.
I don't think I wore a size 5 in my life. I think when I was a teen I wore a 9.
Current Mood:

cheerful

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09:10 pm - Cousin Pam caregiver of the week

Cousin Pam caregiver of the week
Originally uploaded by sparroweye

May 27th, 2009

06:47 pm
I am still here, still only weigh 110 pounds. Finding it hard to find things I can eat.
Dairy drinks give me mucous. Scratchy things stick in throat. Sigh. Cream of wheat, soft boiled eggs and soup get mightly old. I have no appetite. I think if they gave me back my xanax I would have a better appetite.

So, here is my latest flip of my pond. For you Karen.

Current Mood:

amused

May 12th, 2009

06:05 pm - So, I dont get out much
I have now been home from radiation treatment for almost two weeks. After two weeks the mucous and pain are supposed to start receeding. I can't wait. Just imagine so much mucoiousis (think thats what they call it) That you alway feel like you have two layers of slime in your mouth and throat. And it's thick and coughing it up is hard but I have learned out to without throwing up. Because I can't afford to throw up a meal because I only weigh
115. I look iike a skeleton to me. I can't wait until I can eat real food instead of carnation instant meals, ensure,
scrambled eggs were working but not putting enough weight on me I am on so much meds that I broke out in
hives all over my whole body. And anybody who gets head and neck cancer, if they offer you radiation or try and tell you its all there is. Go to M.D. Anderson's in Houston Texas and ask for anything else, trials, alternative treatments. I really think radiation therapy is medeival and needs to be banned.

So, I am watching Ellen and on my laptop. My son Paul gave me the latests Canon Rebel camera and I cannot
even get excited about it. That is how down I am They took away my xanax. Just blip, gone. Claimed it was not
addictive and I did not need to be weaned off it Instead they still have me on lorazapam which can really be hard to get off of. I am beginning to hate and have no confidence in the medical profession.

I do not see any baby owls yet and wondering what happened. My daughter is here from 7am until 5am when my husband gets home. What do they think i might OD or take too much of something? My cousin Pam is coming next week to stay for two weeks because my daughter may be starting a job at J.C Penny.

I sneak out of the house as much as I can. Usually I escape when my daughter goes over to her house to let her dog out and fix a sandwich Then I walk around the yard and look at my birds and flowers. I had a bluebird
family and she laid six eggs and then just walked away and left them. I don't know why. Before I could not taste anything but I think a bit of taste is coming back. I brought home my mask from treatment. I put flowers through the holes in it

<

Current Mood:

blah

May 7th, 2009

05:55 pm - Home since last Wednesday
I finished all of my 35 radiation treatments. Now all I do is sleep and take meds and try and drink liquid foods. But it is hard because of all the muoous which will last for two weeks. So, I throw up a lot. I have lost down to 113 pounds and I may have to go back up to Moffits for a tube feeding. And my neck is deeply burned and finally peeling. So, I sleep a lot. But just wanted you to know I was still recovering. I also have hives. NOt sure where this came from Ok thats all
Current Mood:

anxious

April 4th, 2009

10:31 am - I learned to knit

I learned to knit,
originally uploaded by sparroweye.

Just to let you know that I am still among the breathing. But sometimes I now have to add a pain pill to my xanax arsenal. Three and a half weeks to go. I must limit talking due to dryness in mouth and throat. Now the sore throat is so bad it is hard to swallow. I drink Carnation meals 560 calories a box. Later...... I learned to knit at Hope Lodge. Home for the weekend.

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March 27th, 2009

05:43 pm - Friday in Tampa
Sorry I have been absent. We are in Tampa and I will be home Saturday at lunch time. We have to make up a treatment Sat. morning because their tomo machine was down last week for Thursday and Friday and they do not like you to be two treatments behind. I had an ultra sound of my thyroid on Tuesday. Everybody say prayers that all I have in my thyroid is a cyst. That is what they feel it is but these people do not take anything for granted. I could not have that treated at the moment anyway until I am healed from this radiation treatment. I can still eat but soft things go down easier. I will be drinking carnation breakfast drink in two weeks to supplement as it has 504 calories per serving. You have to order it, as it is no on the shelves at the pharmacy. In my whole life I never thought people would be telling me to EAT EAT EAT. I plan on trying banana, peanut butter and chocolate milkshakes with ice cream this weekend. An oncologist nutritionist says peanut butter adds protein. Veggies are hard to eat unless mushy. So fiber is hard to get in. I put flax meal in yogurt. I took this moon photo last
weekend. Enjoy. My daughter is enjoying my owl family. I miss my dogs so much while I am here that I cannot
allow myself to think of them. Sorry for being AWOL.

Current Mood:

blank

March 14th, 2009

11:11 pm - Three down and Thirty-Two to go.
I am home for the weekend. But will be leaving for Tampa again tomorrow after lunch. I have
had three Tomo Therapy treatments. So far, I do not have a bad throat or side effects. That happens after week three. A man who is on his 13th treatment told me to get some aloe vera juice. I did and it tastes horrible. But I will use it as he said it enabled him to be able to
swallow. I have already noticed a change in taste.
Last week we stayed at the Fairfield Inn but tomorrow we are moving into an apartment at the Hope Lodge in Tampa. I will be home on the weekends.
I will try and take some video of the Hope Lodge and upload it here. The place is really
beautiful. And as soon as we can we will make a donation. It is operated and owned by the
American Cancer Society, except for the fourth floor which belongs to Moffits.
I have bluebirds checking out my bird house but a chickadee is already in it. And the chickadee is not budging. So, I put up another bird house. I really hate having to leave my
dogs at home. But my kids are taking care of them for us. At least I do get to come home on the weekends. I hope the seven weeks go by fast. It will probably be months before I feel like
my old self after I finish treatment. I will try and update when I can. I will be taking
my laptop with me from now on as I will have a place to lock it up. Here is the latest photo
of my new granddaughter, Felicity. She has such blue eyes. I hope they stay blue.

Current Mood:

hopeful

February 27th, 2009

09:09 pm - March 11th
That's the date they gave me for treatment on the Tomo Therapy machine. My team of doctors (I love the sound of that) have decided because I do not fit in any category or profile. That they do not want to treat me with traditional radiation but this new machine which incorporates a CT scan each time they give you radiation. So, that your treatment is adjusted by the computer daily. It also spares the salivary glands and you have less dry mouth problems.

My friend Hilary in Kent England sent me a bouquet of Iris's from The Channel Islands. I was totally gobsmacked. It was so unexpected. And we only just met this year. I need to get back to painting or some hobby. I like these little plastic men called Munny's that you draw on. They have a store in Tampa, Florida and when I go for treatment I am going to buy some kits and try doing them. It looks like something that would keep my mind busy. I had a bluebird checking out my bluebird house. But I think a chickadee has claimed it. My husband has the respiratory flu or whatever this crud is that's going around where you get the worst sore throat ever and hack up chunks of gunk. I went to GNC and got some Sambucol syrup (elderberry
extract) And he and I are both taking it. I am sleeping in the spare bedroom. I hope he stops running a fever tomorrow. This all started with a severe sore throat. Then the coughing started. It reminded me of this very scary flu I had one year where it hurt so bad to cough
and the congestion was like glue and you could not cough it up. I remember thinking I was going to die.

Television has gone crazy. They are doing reruns after just showing one or two weeks of new shows. Ok. this is all I know. Later.

Current Mood:

amused

February 15th, 2009

06:04 pm - Sorry I have not updated.
Hey Everybody. Well, I am getting somewhere at least. Moffits has taken over. We make our second trip up there tomorrow. Then on Feb 25 or there abouts I start treatment. Then six weeks after the treatment is over, I get one CT scan and I am done. As long as everything is clear.
We will stay at Hope Lodge ( a free home away from home for patients and caregivers paid for by the American Cancer Society and it is a lovely place) We will stay there Monday thru Fridays. Come home on the weekends. It was scary signing the paper for treatment as I heard about
one very rare side effect. But Dr. Trotti said in his 41 tears at Moffits no patient has ever had spinal cord damage. Thats nice to know. And my husband's manager in Tallahassee told him not to worry, he can have six weeks leave with pay. Some people are angels in disguise. And my kids here will take care of the dogs and cats during the week. Ok, this is all for now.

Hope Lodge http://www.cancer.org/docroot/subsite/hopelodge/FL_Tampa/bm_index.asp

And my owls are back. Love, Love, Love.

Current Mood:

artistic

February 4th, 2009

01:39 pm - Things are going to hell in a hand basket as they say
This is really getting to be bad luck and very depressing. Just before my radiologist oncologist was due to start me on my treatment, right after I had the mask made and all. She had to have emergency surgery. That was a week ago. Now I get a call today and they say she won't be back for two more weeks. They have contacted Moffits for me. (what the heck are they saying, that I should go to Moffits in Tampa) We paid these freaking people a thousand down to make my mask and get the second ct scan. Can we sue her? So, I said I would wait. But get this, they won't say that the mask will still fit me in two weeks. If my face gets fatter or skinnier they will have to make a new one. It just gets worse and worse. And I have been sobbing all morning. I am really thinking about going up to Tampa and staying there until I am finished. At least I felt secure there because everything is there. So, I would be away from home. But hey, I won't be tempted to do my jobs I do here for everybody. That is bothering me too because I am still cooking for four people. And wondering when I get to rest. Maybe being away from everyone would be good. I just don't even know anymore. And my husband is once again in shock and being no help at all. He can't make decisions. I make snap decisions. We are a good pair.

I have been spending thirty minutes on the Wii every morning. I love it. I have opened up more and more strengthening games. I finished a pastel portrait of my grandson. Considering I have not picked up an art pencil in 20 years it is not too bad. I think I will keep doing more art. It is keeping me from going completely crazy. And London had a big snow the other day. The whole city called a snow day. LOL.

Current Mood:

frustrated

January 28th, 2009

10:52 pm - Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Guess what came in the front door tonight. A Wii and Wii Fit. I bowled a 114 my first game.
I can't wait to start my Wii Fit plan. Yippeeeee..... Can't wait. My treatments have not started. My radiologist had to have emergency surgery yesterday. I said I would wait for
her to be back and continue my treatment. I am not about to start all over with a new radiologist. But in the meantime I am getting an opinion from a relative who is an Ear, Nose
and Throat doctor. Since he would be totally unbiased. I mean, why couldn't I just get a PT scan every six months. My last Pt scan showed no sign of cancer. This entire experience has
been so bizarre. Here is my Wii and my grandbaby. She is now three months old and has some
hair now.

Current Mood:

cheerful

January 16th, 2009

10:38 pm - My daughter has a cold and is sick.

So, today I had my mask made for radiation treatment and then had to go over to imaging dept to have a ct scan done while I was wearing it. It is a bit claustrophobic. But I got through it. But they had the bridge of my nose too tight and it really hurt during the scan and I ended up with a welt, almost a blister on my nose. She has to fix that. Soften the mask and give more room. I would have thought when she made it, she would have gotten that perfect. They make the mask fit so damn tight. I don't understand that part. I can see why they have to have you clamped down so you don't move. But why the mask so tight to the face. I took my xanax. Great medicine. I plan to get lots more of it, I don't even care if I have to then be weaned off of it. It takes away
all the anxiety. I could have never made it through today without it. next week I have some sort of re-evaluation for the start of radiation. Something about xrays. Plain xrays, not ct scan. I swear, my cancer is gone but think of the cancers they are creating with all these xrays. I will never understand the medical profession. I don't like them or trust them. But I am too scared to say no.

My daughter is sick. She came down with a cold. So she would not come over today. A week ago we saw this yummy looking Thai chicken broth by College Inn with a great recipe on the box. I made it tonight and sent some over to her. It has ginger and curry in it, lime juice. It was so simple and soooo good. Look for the College Inn brand chicken broth with this recipe on
the box.

Thai Vegetable Noodle Soup

* 1 carton (32 oz.) College Inn Thai Coconut Curry Culinary Broth
* 1 cup chopped onion
* 1 cup broccoli florets
* 1/2 cup diced carrots
* 2 tsp. grated fresh ginger
* 1/2 tsp. curry powder
* 1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes
* 1 Tbl. vegetable oil
* 1/2 cup thin spaghetti 2" pieces
* 1 Cup light coconut milk
* Cilantro
* Lime juice

Cook onion, broccoli, carrots, ginger, curry and red pepper flakes in oil in
large saucepan, 3 minutes. Add noodles, broth and lime juice. Bring to boil, reduce heat. Simmer 7 minutes or until pasta is tender. Stir in coconut milk. Heat through. Garnish with cilantro and lime juice.
Enjoy.
Current Mood:

complacent

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January 11th, 2009

08:39 pm - My grandson Jacob see's the Ocean

My daughter and grandson Jacob have moved here. They are living in my mother's house behind me.
I am suddenly cooking dinner for four. Tomorrow I have to see my family physician and I don't know what to tell him about the radiologist who is stalling on getting my radiation treatment started. I think I am going to have to end up going up to Tampa and having it done up there.
Tonight Desperate Housewives is on. I am watching The Golden Globes awards right now. My dog Tiny is loving all this attention and a teenage boy to play with. We went to the beach yesterday. It was so beautiful. 74 degree's and perfect blue skies. That is the best thing
about living in Florida, going to the beach in January. It does not always happen but if you're lucky. I am reading Dumas Key by Stephen King and loving it. I have not read one of his books in a long time. I love that he is an artist and he paints from his phantom hand. Ok, this is all I got. I am going to start trying to sketch more.

Current Mood:

anxious

January 9th, 2009

06:24 pm - Monk Monk Monk Monk Monk
Monk comes back tonight at 9pm eastern time. Just sayin...... I have a great affinity for red
birds. Must be because I am a redhead. Ha. My daughter Kimmie and grandson moved into my mother's empty house a few days ago. There are boxes everywhere. Jacob will start school on Monday at the middle school. I had not seen my daughter or grandson in two years. Except for
photographs. It's great to have them finally nearby.
On Monday KyleXY starts back on Family channel. It seems like some of these shows were gone
for a long time. This will be short because I have to start the rice for dinner. I hope everyone had a great New Years. Mine was quiet. Our weather is cool in morning but sunny and mild in the daytime. Best part about Florida, the winters. So, have a redbird picture I took today.

Current Mood:

cheerful

January 4th, 2009

11:14 am - Tara and Bella. An elephant and a dog.
I loved this story. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/02/assignment_america/main4696340.shtml

We have been looking at property very near this elephant sanctuary in Tennessee. But after the ash spill at a plant up in Tenn. I am worried about buying land there. This area was right in the path.

Today I am learning how to operate my laptop. And I think I am going to have to buy a book to learn all the uses and commands. We are getting my mother's house ready for a renter. A non
paying renter. Ha. My daughter and grandson. I wish my granddaughter were not so far away.
She is staying with her Dad in Missouri. I had at least a flock of fifty cedar waxwings in the tree's today. I needed my son's Canon Rebel to get a close up photograph. Grrr. I think he went to La Chua trail in Gainesville this morning because they have a flock of thousands of sand hill cranes. I need to start painting. I need to stay off this computer. I waste so much time on here playing games, updating blogs. I need to find more creative outlets. I have so many idea's
percolating but need someone to give me a kick in the .......

I hope everyone stays well. I hope Curtis and Rachel are having a great time in Canada. I miss
their journal posts. My hollyhocks I planted this Fall are not doing well. We have had almost no
rain in two months. The fire bans are going back up. Everything is stick dry and one match dropped out a window would rage through a wooded area.
Current Mood:

bouncy

January 2nd, 2009

11:14 pm - Yahooooo I have joined the Mac users.

Help, its charging. Now what do I do. Well, I downloaded Skype to it. Now I can not only talk to my friend in The Netherlands but also see him.

I feel like I am in limbo. We are still waiting for the results of the second biopsy. Until we get that, I don't know what kind of treatment I am having. And there have not been many birds to photograph lately. So, boredom is setting in. I must stay off the computer. I must get control of my life. I must paint. I must finish my story about Abby the girl from another universe.
I sent the first part of the story to my daughter in law and she is pushing me to finish it.
It is on here, way back about 12 months ago in my archives. My daughter in law has been reading these pseudo stories written about Twilight. People make up new side stories for the Twilight characters.

My daughter is packed and she and Jacob (my grandson) are moving here to help me in the next three months. I think she is going to live here permanently. My new grandbaby caught a cold
at the daycare and everyone in the family has it now. Ok, this is not much but all I got.
Current Mood:

cheerful

December 28th, 2008

03:22 pm - I got this dancing doggie for Christmas
For Christmas I got two cds. Pink and Leona Lewis, Spirit. And then I got this little dog that
dances when he is connected to any speaker. I have him here dancing to "So What" by Pink.
From my son I got the movie Mama Mia and I Loved it. And also I got a wood carving set. I also
got a beginner's drum set. I hope I can take lessons and get a professional set one day. I tried out the drums at Best Buy. Wow, I loved them. Right now I am practicing on getting my beat right for 4/4 beat. The basic beat for most rock and roll music. Or Eighth's. I tend to hit the
rim of the drums sometimes. But I am getting better. I have to shut myself out on the florida room because Tiny hates the noise. I have also picked out my apple notebook which I was going to have but they did not have it in stock. It is an apple 2.4 with back lit keyboard. I loved the onboard video. Loved it!!! And the little apple that lights up in the back. It is an aluminum
case. Ok, that is about all. Quiet weekend. No news.

Current Mood:

chipper

December 24th, 2008

10:29 am - Merry Christmas Eve Everyone
Felicity says Merry Christmas to all rbloggers and livejournal peeps. She is Mom and Dad's best Christmas present ever. I have to agree. This video makes me sob every time. I first time I heard this, I had to run out and buy their cd. I am not extremely religious just spiritual from childhood but his song spoke to me.

Current Mood:

cheerful